Fear of marriage among young people is becoming more visible as many young men and women hesitate to build families. Much of this fear is shaped by testimonies and advice from individuals whose marriages ended in separation or divorce. As a result, confidence in long-term commitment is declining among some youth.
Thinking about how some couples eventually separate has become a concerning issue. For many, this fear of marriage among young people creates anxiety and leads them to delay or completely avoid marriage in order to protect their peace of mind.
How failed marriages shape fear of marriage among young people
Munezero Nicole, a 21-year-old living in Kigali, Gasabo District, Ndera Sector, shared with Afriwed Rwanda how advice from a separated woman affected her perception of marriage.
Nicole approached the woman seeking guidance from someone experienced in married life. Instead of encouragement, she received a warning.
She said:
“There is a woman I spoke to while seeking advice as someone who has been married so I could understand how it is, but she told me that marriage is full of constant conflicts. You and your partner are always arguing and never at peace. Honestly, the advice I can give you is to go slowly.”
Nicole later learned that the woman had separated from her husband, with whom she had three children. This made the advice seem credible and contributed to her growing fear.
Similarly, Mazimpaka Fabrice, a 23-year-old from Kicukiro District, recounted how a friend who had separated from his wife discouraged him from marriage.
He said:
“That man told me, ‘Women are difficult. Be careful when you decide to marry, or you might as well avoid it because there is nothing good in it except pain.’”
Such testimonies significantly reinforce the fear of marriage among young people, especially when they come from individuals perceived as experienced.
Alternative views: Marriage can still succeed
Not everyone agrees with discouraging young people from marriage. Niyomukiza Vivens, a parent living in Musanze District, Muhoza Sector, believes that one failed marriage does not determine the fate of others.
He stated:
“Just because one marriage failed doesn’t mean others will fail. My advice to young people is that if they choose to marry, they should marry someone they truly love, not for other reasons, because that is what sustains a relationship.”
He emphasized that patience and understanding are essential. No relationship is perfect, but genuine love can outweigh conflicts.
Nkundimfura Rosette, She is the Founder and Legal Representative of Girls’ Leaders Forum (GLF) and a marriage counselor, also stresses that marriage remains valuable. She advises young people to avoid internalizing discouraging narratives from failed unions.
She said:
“Marriage is good, let me repeat, it is good. My advice to those who want to build a family is to stay away from people who failed to sustain their marriages, because there are also many successful marriages.”
She added:
“The mindset you carry shapes your reality. If you believe that because someone else failed, you will also fail, that thought will follow you. Before listening to people who separated, do you not see families that are doing well? Not everyone is unhappy. My parents have been married for forty years without problems.”
Statistics on marriage among young people in Rwanda
According to the National Institute of Statistics of Rwanda (NISR), in its 2022 Population and Housing Census report published in 2023, approximately 69% of young people aged 16 to 30 are unmarried, while about 30% are married.
The fear of marriage among young people is strongly influenced by negative testimonies from failed marriages. While such experiences are real and impactful, they represent only part of the broader reality.
Successful marriages also exist and often rely on love, patience, commitment, and mindset. Rather than allowing isolated failures to define expectations, young people may benefit from balanced perspectives and constructive guidance when making decisions about marriage.