Many young men today pretend to be someone else when they fall in love. They change how they talk, dress, or behave because they fear rejection. Some believe a polished image will make them more attractive.
However, witnesses and experts say this habit only creates pain. When the truth comes out, trust breaks, the relationship weakens, and the love they wanted to save eventually disappears.
Girls speak out after being hurt by dishonesty
“He said He was a Police Officer”
Clarisse Irivuzima, 21, from Gakenke District, dated a young man who claimed he was a police officer. Later, she discovered he sold airtime on the street.
“I dated him because he told me he was a police officer,” she said. “When I learned the truth, I ended the relationship. He should have told me who he really was so we could love each other honestly.”
A Business owner in Congo but only in words
Grace Mbonyincuti, 23, lives in Rubavu District and works in Muhanga as a receptionist. She told Afriwed that she once dated a man who pretended to own a business in Congo.
“What hurt me most is that I even traveled with my parents to see where he works,” she said. “We found nothing. He had no business at all. I felt so betrayed. I left immediately and deleted his number.”
Why some boys pretend: Pressure, insecurity, and fear of judgment
Theogene Niyirora, 22, a student at the Catholic University of Kabgayi (ICK), said he sometimes lies in relationships because he fears a girl might look down on him.
“There was a girl I once dated,” he explained. “Whenever I went to visit her, I borrowed fashionable clothes and shoes to look good. She later found out. She corrected me and told me to stop pretending. She said she would not forgive me again if I lied.”
Experts warn that lies slowly destroy intimacy
Psychologist Paul Ekman, in his work on relationship honesty, explains that even small lies can hurt a partner deeply because of the deception involved.
“When your partner lies about small things, those lies cause pain because deception breaks trust,” he said.
New York–based clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff, known for her research on relationships and emotional health, emphasizes how honesty strengthens love.
“Being your authentic self and showing your genuine thoughts and feelings builds trust,” she once said. “Deception erodes trust when the truth comes out.”
Love grows through honesty. Pretending to be someone you are not brings short-term comfort but long-term heartbreak. When a partner discovers hidden truths, trust collapses, and the relationship may end.
Both boys and girls are warned: honesty is the only way to build a strong and lasting relationship.