In the age of mobile money and digital payments, wedding traditions are quietly changing. Many invited guests now choose to send their contributions via phone instead of attending ceremonies in person. While this practice is convenient, it raises serious concerns about the emotional and social meaning of weddings.
For many couples, weddings no longer feel full. Some ceremonies look successful financially but feel empty emotionally.
According to Alfred Kimweli, a wedding planner at House of Dotty in Kenya, digital gifts have become the preferred option for many couples.
“Of the weddings I do now, around 90 per cent of couples prefer non-physical gifts instead of physical wedding presents,” Kimweli said.
Mobile money platforms such as M-Pesa have made it easy for guests to contribute from anywhere. However, this convenience has also encouraged absentee participation. As a result, some weddings lack the energy that comes from physical presence.
When contributions come without guests
Adeline Niyongombwa, a 37-year-old mother of three from Muhanga District, shared her experience with AfriWed. She said most of her friends lived in different districts and chose to send money by phone instead of attending.
At first, she felt happy receiving the contributions. Over time, however, the repeated messages saying “I won’t manage to come” became painful.
On her wedding day, despite receiving all the financial support, no guests were present. At the last minute, a young man she knew noticed the situation. Using his public transport vehicle, he brought people to the ceremony so it would not feel empty.
“At first I was happy to receive the money,” she said. “But when no one came, it hurt. On the wedding day, even with all the contributions, no one was there.”
Would money alone be enough at your wedding?
A journalist from AfriWed posed a simple question to Dushimire Imana Abel, a 27-year-old resident of Gicumbi District:
Would sending money without attending satisfy you if it happened at your own wedding?
Abel admitted that he often sends money instead of attending weddings due to his busy schedule. However, when he imagined the same thing happening to him, his perspective changed.
He said it would not make him happy. Instead, it made him reflect on his own behavior.
“When you think about it twice, you realize it’s really not the right way,” Abel said.
The issue of absentee giving reflects ideas discussed by Marcel Mauss, a French anthropologist. In his work The Gift: Forms and Functions of Exchange in Archaic Societies, Mauss explained that gifts are never just material objects.
According to Mauss, giving creates social bonds. The act of giving, receiving, and reciprocating connects individuals within a community. Gifts carry emotional and social meaning, not just financial value.
In weddings, this means that presence matters. When guests only send money without attending, the gift may lose part of its social and emotional significance.
Mobile money has made wedding contributions easier than ever. However, convenience should not replace connection. Weddings are not only about financial support. They are about shared joy, community, and presence.
Sending money can help cover costs, but showing up strengthens relationships. Without guests, a wedding may be funded, but it may not feel fully celebrated.
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